If all's fair in love and war, one might as well have a few weapons.

With Valentine's Day right around the corner, the game of courtship is in full force. The male in each species are usually charged with showing the opposite sex why he is the best choice among possible mates. Charles Darwin described this theory in an 1871 essay that concludes that competition between males drives the evolution of certain traits.

Today it's a bit more complicated. A Ferrari and an Armani suit may not represent biological traits, but you can bet they will attract the opposite sex. Men have become very competitive when it comes to the game of courtship and winning the heart of the female sex. Popularized in books like the New York Times bestsellers The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, The System: How to Get Laid Today! and The Complete A**holes Guide to Handling Chicks, men have shown a serious interest in equipping themselves with the necessary information to appear more attractive to the opposite sex.

One method that's recently become popular is seduction and lifestyle coaching to teach men those tricks of the trade. Men are shown how to exhibit confidence and converse properly plus given tips on everything from how to dress, what car to drive and where to go to maximize their chances with women. Ron (a.k.a. Docandwriter) is a full-time lifestyle coach skilled in the art of seduction science. Docandwriter is Ron's pseudonym, a character trait commonly used by seduction artists, lifestyle coaches and pickup artists. He said the "social matrix" we live in defines a lot of who we are before we even get the chance to talk to women.

"A lot of it is based on the scientific fact that women want to ensure that their genes will survive," said Docandwriter, who also runs SeductionBoard.com. "Basically deep inside them, they want their biological needs to be met."

This is true to a fault, said Dr. Robert Gifford, a psychology professor at the University of Victoria. He said the theory of evolution does support the male with more advantageous traits that make him attractive, but life today is much more complicated than that.
"In general it seems to support the traditional and old-fashioned views of what men's and women's roles in society are," said Gifford. "But it is controversial and goes against what we would call modern social philosophy."

Gifford said in some respects humans have evolved above the primal ways of choosing sexual mates.

But Docandwriter said his teaching style is much more about meeting and developing lasting relationships with women rather than just exhibiting certain traits to get them into the bedroom. He said he equips men with the tools used by pick-up artists, but towards love not lust.
"What it really comes down to is that a lot of guys are just too shy to approach women," he said.

"What I try to do is lay out the basic ways to create a conversation and create a connection and be able to keep the relationship going. Find ways for them to be comfortable talking to women."

Like any encounter, personal or professional, first impressions are always important, Docandwriter said.
"There's that first crucial five to 10 minutes that you have to show that you're different from the rest or the crowd. We really try to emphasize that."

After that the key is to make a real connection personality wise, not play games or trick them.
"You've got to really listen to girls," he said. "Girls are very emotional creatures whereas guys are very logical and less emotionally connected.
Women don't experience life the same way that guys do."

Beating the jitters out of encountering a prospective female for the first time is the main hurdle Docandwriter works on with his clients.
"Basically a lot of guys are scared of rejection or failure," he said. "They put women on a pedestal and can come off as wussies. They're unable to form the confidence to be able to talk to them one-on-one as an equal."

Like dogs and bees, women can smell fear, he added.
"Guys can come across as way too needy and desperate," he said. "Women can smell this a mile away. Plus most guys don't really have any clear goals when it comes to talking to the opposite sex and they tend to ramble on. This can turn the girl off, which can lead to other behaviours like being mean or boring."

So what do women find attractive? Is the theory of evolution and natural selection really imbedded inside their genes? Yes and no, says 30-something Elizabeth, who asked that her real name not be used.
"That does matter, but guys that are too macho are such a turn-off," Elizabeth said. "There's such thing as being overly confident."
Women are looking for different things at different stages of their life, she added.

Michelle, 29, said looks are important but they will only take a man so far.
"Looks are good, but personality will get you from first to third base," said Michelle, who also spoke on the condition that her true identity not be revealed. "And women spend a lot of time on their appearance so they don't want their men to be better looking than them."
Being truthful about his intentions is also big, added Michelle. So is humour, which plays a key role in making the female species feel comfortable.
"I can always tell if a guy has a cocky attitude," she added. "Sincerity is huge because they let you know they're interested in actually having a conversation. And you can tell a lot by their eyes, personality-wise."

"Someone with the full package," added Elizabeth. "Intelligent, good-looking, someone with charisma."

Charisma and intelligence can't be taught, but Docandwriter works on the intangibles - such as proper ways to break the ice and how to gauge the female perspective.
"We give them the tools they need to change their habits," he said. "How to say certain things, types of approaches, finding out the mood of the women, body language - things along those lines."

Reading a women's body language is almost as important as listening to what she has to say.
"That's key before you can continue any further," he said.

After he teaches them in a classroom setting, Docandwriter always takes his students out in the field to try out their newly acquired skills.
"We'll go to the club or we'll head out on the street and give them a chance to get some feedback right after the fact so they know what they've done wrong, or right," he said.
patrickb@vicnews.com