Sun, February 26, 2006
Game for some seduction?
Dating doctor introduces secretive men's self-help movement to baffled Ottawa bachelors
BE THE BEST you can be, boost your communication skills, add a dash of
resilience and a load of confidence, and love will follow.
Sounds like any self-help book on the market.
But this message is actually the crux of an
elusive men's movement -- the seduction movement
-- making its first overt appearance in Ottawa
this Saturday.
That's when Vancouver-based "Docandwriter" (DW
for short) will travel to the capital to offer
his Seduction Level 1 bootcamp. Like his
contemporary "pick up coaches," enigmatic
personas with handles like Mystery and Badboy
that are immediately recognizable to those who
participate in North America's growing seduction
community, DW hides his real identitiy to
protect his ridiclue-fearing clients.
DW says he is a real-life date doctor, just like
the one Will Smith portrayed last year in the
movie Hitch. And those who seek out his services
don't want anyone finding out about it.
"This is like alcoholics anonymous," he says,
"but instead of alcohol we're dealing with
dating."
'NOT MACHO'
DW's bread and butter is the critical mass of
men who need help dealing with the opposite sex.
The ones who go against almost everything men
stand for by asking for that help.
"When guys start learning this material, usually
they start from a disadvantage," he says.
"Because it's not macho, it's not masculine to
admit you need to learn this skill."
DW is rolling into town with a couple of coaches
for his day-to-night workshop -- in an
undisclosed location, of course -- offering
advice on everything from grooming and dress to
recognizing and building on attraction. On
Saturday night, it's very likely he will
accompany his students to a local bar to test
his methods on some of Ottawa's unsuspecting
females.
'ENRICH THEIR LIVES'
"The No. 1 thing I'm teaching, is to teach guys
to become their better selves and have
confidence," says DW. "Once they do that, they
realize not only are they improving their
relationships with women, they're just enriching
their lives."
DW has already offered dozens of such workshops
in Vancouver and Edmonton. Ottawa is a likely
locale for expansion, he says, because there are
no indigenous dating coaches to be found in the
capital.
DW's foray into Ottawa represents the latest
evolution of the men's movement chronicled in
last year's book The Game:Penetrating the Secret
Society of Pickup Artists, by former New York
Times pop music writer Neil Strauss. Though his
day job had him up-close-and-personal with rock
stars and their groupies, Strauss had no luck
with women. For two years he researched a
community which has roots back to the early
1990s and a pickup coach named Ross Jeffries. It
has been suggested Tom Cruise was channelling
Jeffries when he portrayed a misogynist
motivational speaker in the 1999 Paul Thomas
Anderson film Magnolia.
The movement caught fire though online message
boards and newsgroups like FastSeduction.com or
alt.seduction.fast. Today members form groups,
called Lairs, and connect in private homes, at
bars and coffee shops and online.
Will, a mid-20's student, belongs to a Toronto
Lair and says women represent a fraction of
their conversations.
"A Lair is where a bunch of like-minded
individuals get together and discuss ways and
methods to improve yourself, not only in
seduction, but life itself," he says.
Strauss emerged from writing the book not only a
seduction success story, but a movement leader.
A genuine, uber-confident-with-a-hot-girlfriend
pickup artist dubbed "Style."
"I had to go through this because men never ask
for help. And they never take a good, hard look
at themselves to figure out what's broken,
what's not effective, what's not working,"
Strauss told Macleans magazine.
Some criticized Strauss -- who is working on a
female answer to The Game and will see the first
book made into a Hollywood movie -- for exposing
the secret club-like seduction world.
Others are grateful. "J," a 42-year-old
Ottawa-area resident, read The Game a month ago.
A friend in Vancouver put him in touch with DW,
who has been coaching him ever since.
"If I needed a plumber I'd call a good plumber
.... It's not like women have been manipulated
or anything. I don't think that's what he
teaches," says J. "It's sort of a tool men need
in today's society. And desperately too, I
think."
J. explains DW simply imparts the kind of
confidence that give men the chops to keep
trying with women, rather than licking their
rejection wounds at home. From scoring a phone
number to retreating after a nasty comment, the
goal is to adopt tried-and-true techniques so
"that you'd walk away from it going 'hey I feel
good about that,' " he says.
Getting laid may be a byproduct of that
confidence, of course. And there's no arguing
some of the techniques, like offering women
negative comments or even complete disinterest,
smack of game-playing and manipulation.
DW favours a more honest approach. And he argues
seduction's apparently nefarious foundation has
morphed into something to be used towards a
kinder, gentler end: The awesome girlfriend.
"I'd say 90% of the guys that come into this are
looking for a life mate. Most guys, if they're
young, they're not thinking long-term," he said.
"Once they get to 25, 26, 27, then they realize,
okay, no I really do have to find a wife or a
girlfriend or someone to spend my time with."
DW normally charges more than $1,000 for his
workshops, but is charging just $600 to get
Ottawa's inaugural event off the ground.
For more information visit
www.seductionboard.com.
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