Art of seduction a learned skill

By JENNIFER PARKS

Not every guy can look like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise. But that doesn't mean he's not a Don Juan or Casanova.

When I was a teenager, I had an inexplicable crush on a guy at school who wasn't especially good-looking, bright or even all that friendly, but he drove my fledgling hormones mad.

I wasn't the only one. There were gaggles of us who, to this day, probably have no idea what hit us.

John had curly brown hair cut into a mullet, wore only tight black jeans and hockey jerseys and talked with an American accent.

He was forever skipping class and could usually be found by his locker draped by the latest dazed doe to be caught in his headlights.

I'd even pinned a picture of him up inside my locker like some shameless teen idol groupie. But, at least, I'm one of the lucky ones who wasn't rolled for her virginity by this player (although he did steal a kiss or two).

He exuded confidence and sex appeal.

When he turned his attention on you, it was hard not to feel like "the chosen one," yet an inflated ego was impossible because, if you turned him down, he wasn't going to chase you.

I don't know where he learned his cunning moves.

But every male member of the chess club or student parliament, who didn't see through his class act, would have happily turned over lunch money for a lesson or two.

Today, help is only a mouse click away for guys who want to win at the game of love - or, at least, get a girl between the sheets.

The art of seduction has become a multimillion-dollar international movement, with seminars offered by real life Hitches who coach others on how to attract the opposite sex.

Last weekend, a once average guy, now going by the alias "docandwriter" (www.seductionboard.com), who transformed himself into a Rico Suave under the tutelage of one of the movement's kingpins - Mystery - came to Edmonton to host his own seduction workshop.

I was lucky enough to sit in on the seminar and finally gain some perspective on why my magnetic teen crush wielded the power he did.

About a dozen guys attended, all willing to shell out $575 each for advice.

The course involved classroom and field work, which took them to the Rum Jungle bar Saturday night to test-drive their new moves.

I joined them for an hour to ask about why they'd taken the workshop, and to watch them in action.

Their reasons for signing up varied from extreme anxiety about approaching women and not knowing how to sustain a conversation with someone they liked, to wanting to meet and date more women and eventually be able to choose someone to settle down with.

The common denominator: they were all down on their dating luck and wanted to jump-start their "game" again.

I had to laugh at how guys need to break down and dissect every obstacle in their path and turn it into a military-like operation.

They were generally optimistic that the skills and techniques they'd picked up that day - making contact, minding personal space, finding common ground, mastering the segue and establishing territory - would help them accomplish their mission.

Seduction science is based on many men's observations of women's behaviour around the opposite sex, and has been married with a branch of psychology developed in the '70s called Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP).

The result is a complex system of body language and verbal communication tactics designed to influence a person's response to you.

From what I gleaned from the workshop, men have finally travelled the distance from Mars to Venus to learn what really makes us tick. It figures they have a motive.

We like alpha males who a) exhibit confidence; b) smile like they've got things going on in their life; c) are pre-approved by other women; d) are well-groomed; e) have a sense of humour; and f) connect with us emotionally.

"Women," says Docandwriter, "like to go on an emotional journey."

He implored his students to take women there by finding out what's important to them and - the key - genuinely care about what they have to say.

He's on to something.

It's true, we, women, like to share our thoughts and feelings about things with our friends and lovers. It's our way of bonding.

And, afterwards, we're much more likely to want to talk about your car or latest laser level.

If a man can connect with us on these terms, it suggests he's capable of true intimacy.

Of course, now that you guys have gone and figured it out, the game just got more interesting.